Ella Bear. Cinderella. Sweet Bear. Ella-Bella-Rella. Bear Cubs. Little Love. My Brown-Eyed Girl.
How can you be one year old already???
From the moment you entered our lives, you have been a little bundle of sweetness. My snuggly little peanut. My little love bear.
August 30, 2009: I'm sitting in the living room on the couch, holding an EPT in my hand. to be honest, I didn't think I was pregnant. I talked on the phone with my mom and didn't think anything of it as the time ticked by and I waited the necessary two minutes to read the results to be able to confirm that I was not, in fact, pregnant.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Chatting with my mom, I momentarily glanced down and whaddya know.. there were two pink lines.
I stared at it and turned my head to the left. Then to the right. I blinked twice. I got up and flicked on another light so I could see more clearly. I held the test up to the light.
Was I imagining that second line?
"Hey Mom, you're not going to believe this, but..."
Yep, sure enough! That was the night we found out you were on the way.
Even before you were born.. we loved you so much. You were a wish that came true.
At your twenty week ultrasound, we opted to skip finding out whether you'd be a boy or a girl. It was almost impossible to imagine having a little boy that wouldn't look exactly like Patrick or a little girl that wouldn't be a carbon copy of Anna. I wondered about the place you'd fill in our family and how it would be to be a family of five.
I remember the second you were born and when your dad shouted, "It's a girl! It's a girl!"
The moment you were placed in my arms for the first time was pure magic.
For the third time in my life, my heart absolutely exploded with love. Not only did you fit perfectly in my arms but into our family as well. You were everything that is perfect-- wrapped in a pink blanket.
How is it possible it's been a year already? How can my BABY be ONE? I know I'll blink and you'll five, then ten, then.. Oh wow, I'm going to stop right there before I have a breakdown. Just STOP GROWING SO FAST.. please?!
"Giggles, curls, ribbons and bows.. she is adorable-- head to toe."
I wish like everything your Uncle Matt could've been at your first birthday party. It rips the heart from my chest to know that you only knew him six short months. He loved you so much.
He started a song for you but hadn't put music to it yet. These lyrics are from the first draft he wrote and I'm sure he would've edited them a million times and perhaps these were just his thoughts to get started on the song but I am so thankful he wrote them down so I can pass them on to you:
Ella Marie
I never knew that love could exist for someone
You never met but after writing this song I believe now
Suddenly this night was here, a baby about to appear,
I found myself completely unprepared,
I guess now it's alright to say I was so scared for
My little sister and the unborn child within her.
I was pacing the room frantically waiting for news
Almost going crazy,
Suddenly I saw that someone was trying to reach me.
Words of comfort, sweet relief,
Someone reaching out to me.
Lisa was a friend to me, helped me more than she'll ever know.
She talked me through the delivery and suddenly I had
The news of a newborn niece named Ella Marie.
And the fears before were lifted and replaced.
I learned something that night I'll remember the rest of my life.
Some things I thought were so important are not worth the ink from this pen;
Other things I never gave much thought of,
I'll remember forever because they effect
The ones I love and that are worth more than words can be.
There are so many people that love and adore you.
You have a big brother and big sister that, at the tender ages of five and three, will gladly go to bat to protect you. Who needs a bodyguard when you have older siblings?
At Jumpin Jax the other day, you were about ten feet away from me and a little boy no older than four walked up and, for no particular reason, pushed you down. (Who knows, maybe he was testing to see if you were a Weeble.) As I began walking toward you, I stopped dead in my tracks as Patrick and Anna appeared out of no where and stood between you and the little boy.
After watching for a couple of moments I could tell the little boy had pushed you down out of curiosity more than anything but your brother and sister took it at face value and their older sibling instincts were put into action.
I watched for a moment to see how they would handle it on their own.
Patrick was trying to be diplomatic but I could see the switch had been flipped. A little frown creased his forehead as he explained, "That's our little sister.."
Anna took a less subtle approach by putting her hands on her hips, crinkling up her nose and yelling, "APOLOGIZE TO BEAR!"
The poor kid muttered "sorry" and scampered off. Hey, kids will be kids-- this I know well, but I stood there, biting my lip to keep back the tears because I could see right then and there how much they love and adore you.
Patrick is so protective of you and is so quick to include you in whatever game he's playing. He's always willing to share his toys with you and is always excited to climb into your crib with you when you wake up from a nap. So many times I've overheard him talking baby talk to you, calling you his "chubby little lady." He is your big brother and best friend and is always looking out for you.
There is nothing in this world that thrills Anna more than being able to put purple sparkly sunglasses on you and a pink cowboy hat. She loves to get you all dolled up with accessories and then "ooo" and "ahh" over you and say, "Bear.. you look SO beautiful!" I love the sister bond the two of you have. Although I am sure you two will go head-to-head as most sisters do at times, I know the bond you share is one of the strongest there is in life. I never had a sister, so I'm excited the two of you have each other and already can see you will be best friends.
"What are little girls made of? They're made of ribbons and butterfly kisses and wonder at Christmas and birthday wishes and a heap of giggles and wiggles and love; these are the things little girls are made of."
Ella Marie, you capture the heart of everyone you meet with your enormous brown eyes and loving, spunky little personality. Random children come up to you when we're in public and squeeze you because you're that cute and cuddly.
What an amazing first year you've had! I'm so excited for everything that awaits you in this upcoming year. I am so proud of you and everything you've accomplished already!
I love how excited you get when you say, "Da-Da," "Ma-Ma," or "doggie." I love the mischievous fireworks that seem to sparkle in your eyes when you smile. I love that you're a third born baby, just like me. I love how outgoing you are and how much you love people. I love those huge, beautiful brown eyes, that sweet little button nose and that unbelievably adorable grin of yours.
If only I could keep you little.. You are already growing up much too fast. Which is why I'm going to quit writing now and snuggle you while we read a book and get ready for bed.
Happy Birthday, sweet daughter of mine! You are my everything. I love you to the moon and back!
