{pay it forward}

So.. lately I've been fighting a lot of demons that hiss at me constantly about past mistakes I've made and try to drag me down and tell me to give up. They are particularly fond of reminding me of things I can't begin to correct and tell me I'm a bad person because of them.

Driving home the other night, my focus was on these demons and how exhausting it is to fight them when the gas light went on so I stopped at the gas station. After I pumped the gas I realized I had locked myself out of the car-- even my phone was inside.
Awesome, Mel.. juuuuuust awesome.
After a few moments of going back and forth between contemplating punching the window in (it was one of THOSE days) and trying to unlock the doors Matilda-style by staring super hard at the locks, I went inside to use the phone.
Minutes later, a guy from a towing company showed up to help. He was an older man who told me he had five kids and we swapped funny kid stories while he worked his magic to break into the car. He unlocked the door and as it popped open (and I could swear angels were singing), I reached for my wallet to ask how much I owed him.
He looked at me with a smile and said, "Nothing.. call it a 'good deed'.. and maybe pass it on."

After thanking him a million times and trying in vain to get him to take money anyway, I got to thinking about the movie Pay It Forward as I drove home. I've seen it several times.. and highly recommend it.. but I've never thought about putting something like it to practice in my own life.

The more I thought about that movie and the guy that had helped me.. the more I realized how necessary it was implement this into not just mine but my kids' lives. I decided that every day, every single day, no matter what.. I'd do one random act of kindness. Just like he had done for me.

See, the thing is.. I've made a lot of mistakes. I'm not even kinda going to sit here and pretend like I haven't. I'm not a devil (well, haha, opinions may vary depending on who you talk to :D), I'm not an angel, I'm just.. human. It is a constant struggle to do the right thing.. for everyone. You can sit there and be as self-righteous as you want.. you can love me or hate me for the things I have or haven't done, but the truth is-- we all mess up. It's the human condition. As a disclaimer, I'm not trying to justify any of my own mistakes or say we can all run around doing literally whatever we want without consequences as long as we own up to doing crappy things. Not at all.
Our purpose, however, isn't to judge other people for what they've done.. it's to do our best to pay good things forward to family, friends, neighbors.. even total strangers. One totally random act of kindness can ignite endless amounts of goodness to be passed from person to person. On the flip side,
once you let the demons win-- it will spread like wildfire too. To family, friends, neighbors, total strangers.. everyone. It's important to remember that whatever you do-- even the smallest act-- it will create a domino effect capable of tremendous results-- for good or bad.

Like I've said before.. I'd be lying if I tried to say I've never messed up majorly. The great thing though, is that you can start over anytime you want. You can begin today.. RIGHT NOW.. with the intent to be accountable for any badness you've inflicted. My way of looking at it is that God made us.. He KNOWS we're going to screw up.. but he also knows the greatness we're capable of. Someday.. every single one of us is going to be accountable for the bad things we've done.. as well as the good. So if you're a saint, I guess you've got nothing to worry about. ;) However, if you fall into the 'sinner' category like I do-- that thought may make you cringe a bit.

As far as 'random acts of kindness' goes.. they don't have to be HUGE. It can be something as simple as putting an elderly neighbor's paper on her porch so she doesn't have to trudge down to the mailbox on a cold morning.. or making brownies for someone who is generally pretty grouchy.. or sending a little anonymous gift to a sibling.. or look up your favorite elementary school teacher and send her a box of chocolate.. or writing a handwritten letter to an awesome old friend from crazy teenager years, reliving hilarious memories of times you had together.
It doesn't have to cost a lot of money.. or ANY. Sometimes, what people REALLY need.. is for you to ask how they're doing and actually take time to LISTEN, not just ask the words. You'd be surprised how many people are just lonely.. and need someone to talk to. I know everyone's schedules are insane, particularly this time of year, but if you can't take the time to really talk with someone and LISTEN to them and be able to connect with them.. well, you're kinda missing out on the point of this whole 'living' thing.

The other morning, the kids and I randomly chose a house to leave flowers on the doorstep. As we drove away, Anna's eyebrows scrunched together and she stared intently out the window.
I asked her what she was thinking about and she said, "Shouldn't we wait to see how much they like the flowers?"
I explained to her the whole point of 'random acts of kindness' is to sometimes choose people who we've never met.. to get outside our little circle of friends and family and reach out to someone who is a stranger in hopes that they'll do the same thing. By paying it forward they say 'thank you,' just like I'm doing to that man that helped break into my car.. not to mention countless other times people have helped me when they didn't have to.

I want to teach my children that when you do good things.. you shouldn't be doing it for yourself. For instance, isn't it awesome to give a gift to a friend? You see the smile on their face and how thankful they are-- you know their happiness is a direct result of something you've done.. and it makes you feel good. (Not to say you shouldn't do fabulous things for your friends and family whenever you can.. you definitely should. Personally, they're my favorite kind of 'good deeds.') The most significant kind of good deed though, in my opinion, is when they're done anonymously. To do good and not expect a 'thank you' or not being there to see the smile cross someone' face and be able to take credit for it-- that's what the 'pay it forward' idea is all about. It's not about YOU, it's about sending GOOD into the world.

I LOVE what this idea teaches my kids. I don't want to expose a lot of the things we've done because it takes away from the idea but it's amazing to see it through Patrick, Anna and Ella's eyes. Sending a gingerbread house kit to a kid who I know has a less-than-great home life.. putting together little jars of cocoa powder topped with marshmallows, tied up with bows and left on the porch of a family who needs cheering up.. sending a gift card to someone that can use help buying Christmas presents for their family-- they're all little things.. but they have the power to change someone's frame of mind and remind them that while there's a lot of bad in the world, there's a lot more good. And you, my pretties, are capable of sending all kinds of goodness into the world.

I'm not telling you about this for some kind of pat on the back, I'm doing it in hopes that YOU will do the same thing. The kids and I bought little tiny stockings to to send along with our 'good deeds' containing notes that promote the 'pay it forward' idea so maybe.. just maybe.. those who receive them will do the same thing.

How cool is it that you have the power to totally turn someone's day around?

What's that quote from the Lorax? (I know it by heart thanks to Ella watching it 857 times!)
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing's going to get better. It's not."

Yikes, this blog is turning into a book :D So Happy Holidays.. pay it forward.. because in case you haven't noticed-- we live in a world that needs it!

Muah! xoxo.